Torn in between

Yesterday i thought i have already got an answer. In the end, i realised that i wasn't firm on my answer. Though mum gave me a face yesterday. Her face was telling me million words. I don't know what exactly she wants too.

Incident goes like this....

Was packing my things yesterday night for my HK trip tomorrow early morning. My BF called and say he just finish dinner with his boss. Ask me have i gotten home. I coming over soon. I never reply. Was busy packing my things. Very soon, my bf comes back. I was in my brother's room sewing my pouch and play FB of course, lolx... He came in and say: Can you go in and take towel for me, i want to bath. I look at him and said: knock the door and ask for it from my mum. He reply: Don't want to disturb your mum. Good enough... This one sentence stop everything that i am doing at that moment. *Zzzzzz*

I walk into my mum's room. Opent the waredrobe, she asked: What you taking? I said: He say he want to bath. I take towel. Her reaction was: "ATTITUDE FACE". Seriously i don't know why would she react that way.... My mind was just blank suddenly. At that moment, i really thought and knew my answer and very visible. BUT the moment we about to go to sleep.... Things changed.....

He was hugging me like a teddy bear yesterday night. Before i even wanted to open my mouth and say something:

He said: Will i run?!?!!?

I said: What you mean by run? Run till where? I not running... I just going to HK for a trip.

He said: Run away with other guys?

I said: Crazy ah....

He said: I mean not now, i mean after your HK trip?

I said: Run with other guys?!?! Why you suddenly ask like that?

He said: I talk to my boss just now. I told him i have already stake all my fortune in this job. Because of this job, my GF tells me that she cannot see happines and she is not happy. I am losing my GF, her family trust. If this job is not going to show me any future, i going to lose everything....

I said: *laughs* You really tell your boss like this ah?

He said: Of course.... This is the last chip on my hands and I feel like i am going to lose you anytime.....

I said: Is it that serious....

After that long conversation, i turn my head the other way and i dozed off to dreamland.....

Probably, breaking up wasn't even in my mind. Couldn't really sleep much. It was the first time that i really hear him saying that he really worry of me running away or talking about the future..... I always thought he say if i can find my happiness he will let go.... However, yesterday i hear what he says, i paused.......... lost.... out of words.... I choose to keep quiet and sleep....

I think, i just want to enjoy myself for this trip.... I damm bloodly badly need a break... A short break to release stress in me..... So tired.... I wish time could just stop for awhile just for me. Let me think..... Do i really see future with him? Is he the guy for me? Is he my happiness? How long is this thing going to drag? Who is there to give me an answer. I am so tired..... So tired.......