Back From Hong Kong
Hello folks! I am back! I was back in Singapore last week. Couldn't find time for blogging last week. Work was.... HECTIC!!! Lolxx!!!
Seriously, i haven't been sleeping well lately. Due to relationships problem i guess. I have hard time figuring out what do i actually want in life. A man who willing to give you his heart and soul or a man who would just trying to hoax you and give you packs of lies but you still can live with it?
I have 2 character men standing in front of me.
One of them is going to be 30 soon. Still fighting for his career. A man, that i have been through all sorts of shits with him. A man, that i am willing to accept him with any wrong doing that he have did and done. A man that i thought would be my world. A man that i used to love him so much yet now, i couldn't find a single reason that he did made my life happy for ONE moment. Did i asked for too much things from him? Is it i am tired of holding? Holding onto a relationship when i am the only one trying while he only start to try when thing starts to get haywired? or did it think too much?
The other one, giving me unconditional love, care and concern but it doesn't rock me a bit. I don't know is it i don't have feelings at all or i don't dare to pick up the challenge and start all over again. (Sorry to say that if you are reading this) Like what i said: I cannot love 2 men at the same time. If i want, i can only be devoted to one and not two.
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Now, i finally understand and feel the feeling that one of my ex-bf told me "Physically that you are with me but mentally you are not". I just can say is: I don't even know where is my physically and mentally are now. I wish i could just have a good rest for the next few days. I want to have a clearer picture and mind to think. Thinking of a few questions given by a few friends.
1. Do you see future with your current BF?
2. How many more years can you wait?
3. What kind of man that you are looking for in life?
4. Are you happy with him?
5. Think of the good times that you have with him!?!?!
6. Is he worth waiting for?
7. etc etc.....
I have many things in mind. I have been thinking of this everyday whenever i have the time. When people starting to ask me, you never go and think about it? I just shoo them away with the reply: Ya.... I can't be bothered to go and think. Instead, i know clearly that i have been thinking almost everyday. I don't know how to tell people that actually deep down inside my heart it's like bleeding. Probably some of you never been through as much as i have been for this 2 years relationship. Example: Money issue, Ex-gf finding faults at me, 3rd party involved in this relationship. There are lot's of wounds still shown deep in the heart. Wounds that i still trying to heal. Nobody knows. Almost everyday checking on him and asking questions all because of Love, Care and Concern. In return all i got was: Lack of trust and insecurity. *Paused*
I'll be meeting my BF tonight to get a conclusion. A conclusion that do i actually happy and need him in life. Probably, we really need to sit and have a heart to heart talk. That is where i will actually be getting my answers from. I heard too many and get no answers to my questions. Probably he is the key to my answers.....
Seriously, i haven't been sleeping well lately. Due to relationships problem i guess. I have hard time figuring out what do i actually want in life. A man who willing to give you his heart and soul or a man who would just trying to hoax you and give you packs of lies but you still can live with it?
I have 2 character men standing in front of me.
One of them is going to be 30 soon. Still fighting for his career. A man, that i have been through all sorts of shits with him. A man, that i am willing to accept him with any wrong doing that he have did and done. A man that i thought would be my world. A man that i used to love him so much yet now, i couldn't find a single reason that he did made my life happy for ONE moment. Did i asked for too much things from him? Is it i am tired of holding? Holding onto a relationship when i am the only one trying while he only start to try when thing starts to get haywired? or did it think too much?
The other one, giving me unconditional love, care and concern but it doesn't rock me a bit. I don't know is it i don't have feelings at all or i don't dare to pick up the challenge and start all over again. (Sorry to say that if you are reading this) Like what i said: I cannot love 2 men at the same time. If i want, i can only be devoted to one and not two.
=================================================================
Now, i finally understand and feel the feeling that one of my ex-bf told me "Physically that you are with me but mentally you are not". I just can say is: I don't even know where is my physically and mentally are now. I wish i could just have a good rest for the next few days. I want to have a clearer picture and mind to think. Thinking of a few questions given by a few friends.
1. Do you see future with your current BF?
2. How many more years can you wait?
3. What kind of man that you are looking for in life?
4. Are you happy with him?
5. Think of the good times that you have with him!?!?!
6. Is he worth waiting for?
7. etc etc.....
I have many things in mind. I have been thinking of this everyday whenever i have the time. When people starting to ask me, you never go and think about it? I just shoo them away with the reply: Ya.... I can't be bothered to go and think. Instead, i know clearly that i have been thinking almost everyday. I don't know how to tell people that actually deep down inside my heart it's like bleeding. Probably some of you never been through as much as i have been for this 2 years relationship. Example: Money issue, Ex-gf finding faults at me, 3rd party involved in this relationship. There are lot's of wounds still shown deep in the heart. Wounds that i still trying to heal. Nobody knows. Almost everyday checking on him and asking questions all because of Love, Care and Concern. In return all i got was: Lack of trust and insecurity. *Paused*
I'll be meeting my BF tonight to get a conclusion. A conclusion that do i actually happy and need him in life. Probably, we really need to sit and have a heart to heart talk. That is where i will actually be getting my answers from. I heard too many and get no answers to my questions. Probably he is the key to my answers.....
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